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2003's Best Headlines

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THE YEAR 2003'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES!

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* CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER

* SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

* POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

* IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

* IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS

* PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

* PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

* TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

* MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

* JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

* WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

* IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY. IT MAY LAST A WHILE

* COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

* COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

* RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES

* TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

* MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

* NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

* ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

* KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

* CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY

* LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF

* HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

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quote:

Originally posted by Blerm:

THE YEAR 2003'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES!

-------------------------------------------------

quote:

* CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER

Strange stuff comes out of it they say

quote:

* SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

Ordinary folks couldn't figure out why the plane went "BOOM"

quote:

* POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

Police were quoted "We can Jayrun faster than they can Jaywalk"

quote:

* IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

It's just too dificult to get anything done without them

quote:

* IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS

Then try the new & improved Charmin

quote:

* PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

Please don't condemn us!

quote:

* PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

Dammit, I'll show you how it's done!

quote:

* TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

The stress of the low paying job finally got to them and they just "Snapped".

quote:

* MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

They say that have a right to move on to the Afterlife.

quote:

* JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

It's very dificult, since he keeps jumping around.

quote:

* WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

Furthur study is needed on the "War" issue before we can know how it will affect Peace.

quote:

* IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY. IT MAY LAST A WHILE

IF STRIKE IS SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY BE OVER.

quote:

* COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

Somehow it makes the thermometer move, like majic!

quote:

* COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

Life is like a box of choc-o-lates, but death, we dunno what that is.

quote:

* RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES

Something must be done, Adhesive wearing thin.

quote:

* TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

Where did all these bodies come from?

quote:

* MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE

After he was caught "Fondaling a Die-Hard"

quote:

* NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

The existing group was just too thin.

quote:

*ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

I'm sorry, I just couldn't produce enough to keep us up there. Next time I'll eat my beans, I promise!

quote:

* KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

And they're REALLY tasty!

quote:

* CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY

Needy says it was very tasty, Chef goes missing.

quote:

* LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF

That'll Learn 'em!

quote:

* HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

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