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What my mother taught me


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What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who would love to have wonderful parents like you do!"

Thanks Mom.

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My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until your father gets home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE. "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

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