LostInSpace Posted August 3, 2004 Report Share Posted August 3, 2004 Source:Monty Python and the Holy Grail Author:Monty Python Edited by:LostInSpace Setting: A fictitious suburban location in California. BUSH: Old Woman! LIBERAL: Man! (pushing a shopping cart) BUSH: Old Man, sorry. What Senator lives in that mansion over there? LIBERAL: I'm thirty seven. BUSH: What? LIBERAL: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old! BUSH: Well, I can't just call you `Man'. LIBERAL: Well, you could say `Dennis'. BUSH: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.' LIBERAL: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? BUSH: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked-- LIBERAL: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior! BUSH: Well, I am your Commander-in-Chief... LIBERAL: Oh Commander-in-Chief, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated right wing dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-- LIBERAL'S WIFE(green party): Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do? BUSH: How do you do, good lady. I am BUSH, President of all Americans. Who's mansion is that? LIBERAL'S WIFE: President of the who? BUSH: Americans. LIBERAL'S WIFE: Who are the Americans? BUSH: Well, we all are. we're all Americans and I am your President. LIBERAL'S WIFE: I didn't know we had a President. I thought we were an autonomous collective. LIBERAL: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a Republican dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- LIBERAL'S WIFE: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again. LIBERAL: That's what it's all about if only people would-- BUSH: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that mansion? LIBERAL'S WIFE: No one lives there. BUSH: Then who is your senator? LIBERAL'S WIFE: We don't have a senator. BUSH: What? LIBERAL: I told you. We're an anarcho- syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. BUSH: Yes. LIBERAL: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting. BUSH: Yes, I see. LIBERAL: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-- BUSH: Be quiet! LIBERAL: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-- BUSH: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! LIBERAL'S WIFE: Order, eh -- who does he think he is? BUSH: I am your President! LIBERAL'S WIFE: Well, I didn't vote for you. BUSH: But I'm still your President. LIBERAL'S WIFE: Well, 'ow did you become President then? BUSH: The voting machines in florida, [angels sing] punch arms clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft chads from the bosom of punch cards by Divine Providence that I, BUSH, was to be your commander-in-Chief. [singing stops] That is why I am your President! LIBERAL: Listen -- strange machines lying about in polling stations distributing erroneous chads is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical dangling chads. BUSH: Be quiet! LIBERAL: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some crazed machine is dangling chads at you! BUSH: Shut up! LIBERAL: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an emperor just because some machine had dangled chads at me they'd put me away! BUSH: Shut up! Will you shut up! (grabbing and shaking the liberal) LIBERAL: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. BUSH: Shut up! LIBERAL: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! BUSH: Bloody Liberal! LIBERAL: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you? [ 08-03-2004, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: LostInSpace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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