Jump to content

Bush V. A Liberal Python style


Recommended Posts

Source:Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Author:Monty Python

Edited by:LostInSpace

Setting: A fictitious suburban location in California.

BUSH: Old Woman!

LIBERAL: Man! (pushing a shopping cart)

BUSH: Old Man, sorry. What Senator lives in

that mansion over there?

LIBERAL: I'm thirty seven.

BUSH: What?

LIBERAL: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!

BUSH: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.

LIBERAL: Well, you could say `Dennis'.

BUSH: Well, I didn't know you were called

`Dennis.'

LIBERAL: Well, you didn't bother to find out,

did you?

BUSH: I did say sorry about the `old woman,'

but from the behind you looked--

LIBERAL: What I object to is you automatically

treat me like an inferior!

BUSH: Well, I am your Commander-in-Chief...

LIBERAL: Oh Commander-in-Chief, eh, very

nice. An' how'd you get that, eh?

By exploitin' the workers --

by 'angin' on to outdated right wing

dogma which perpetuates the economic

an' social differences in our

society! If there's ever going to be

any progress--

LIBERAL'S WIFE(green party): Dennis, there's

some lovely filth

down here. Oh --

how d'you do?

BUSH: How do you do, good lady. I am BUSH,

President of all Americans. Who's

mansion is that?

LIBERAL'S WIFE: President of the who?

BUSH: Americans.

LIBERAL'S WIFE: Who are the Americans?

BUSH: Well, we all are. we're all Americans

and I am your President.

LIBERAL'S WIFE: I didn't know we had a

President. I thought we were

an autonomous collective.

LIBERAL: You're fooling yourself. We're

living in a Republican dictatorship.

A self-perpetuating autocracy in

which the working classes--

LIBERAL'S WIFE: Oh there you go, bringing

class into it again.

LIBERAL: That's what it's all about if only

people would--

BUSH: Please, please good people. I am in

haste. Who lives in that mansion?

LIBERAL'S WIFE: No one lives there.

BUSH: Then who is your senator?

LIBERAL'S WIFE: We don't have a senator.

BUSH: What?

LIBERAL: I told you. We're an anarcho-

syndicalist commune. We take

it in turns to act as a sort of

executive officer for the week.

BUSH: Yes.

LIBERAL: But all the decision of that officer

have to be ratified at a special

biweekly meeting.

BUSH: Yes, I see.

LIBERAL: By a simple majority in the case of

purely internal affairs,--

BUSH: Be quiet!

LIBERAL: --but by a two-thirds majority in the

case of more--

BUSH: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

LIBERAL'S WIFE: Order, eh -- who does he think

he is?

BUSH: I am your President!

LIBERAL'S WIFE: Well, I didn't vote for you.

BUSH: But I'm still your President.

LIBERAL'S WIFE: Well, 'ow did you become

President then?

BUSH: The voting machines in florida,

[angels sing]

punch arms clad in the purest shimmering

samite, held aloft chads from the bosom of

punch cards by Divine Providence that I,

BUSH, was to be your commander-in-Chief.

[singing stops]

That is why I am your President!

LIBERAL: Listen -- strange machines lying

about in polling stations

distributing erroneous chads is no

basis for a system of government.

Supreme executive power derives from

a mandate from the masses, not from

some farcical dangling chads.

BUSH: Be quiet!

LIBERAL: Well you can't expect to wield

supreme executive power

just 'cause some crazed machine is

dangling chads at you!

BUSH: Shut up!

LIBERAL: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was

an emperor just because some machine

had dangled chads at me they'd put

me away!

BUSH: Shut up! Will you shut up! (grabbing

and shaking the liberal)

LIBERAL: Ah, now we see the violence inherent

in the system.

BUSH: Shut up!

LIBERAL: Oh! Come and see the violence

inherent in the system!

HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!

BUSH: Bloody Liberal!

LIBERAL: Oh, what a give away. Did you here

that, did you here that, eh? That's

what I'm on about -- did you see him

repressing me, you saw it didn't you?

[ 08-03-2004, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: LostInSpace ]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...