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What the doctor ordered


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HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is

this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't

waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up

your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can

extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live

longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay

and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need

grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green

leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended

daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.

Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to

one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables

be bad for you?

See, I told you!

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's

the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Q: Is jogging good for me?

A: Why are you making car payments, if you want to jog? You do hear of

people dropping dead while jogging, don't you? Have you ever heard of

anyone dying while eating icecream on a couch?

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets.

And remember : "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved

body. In other words, you don't want to be in shape when you die!

Strive to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand and chocolate in

the other - in a body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and

screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride! "

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