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FSM Vs Intelligent Design

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Vengaza.org FSM(Flying Spaghetti Monster)

This comes about because of the Kansas city school board talking about teaching ID alongside Evolution in science classes.

quote:
OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that IÔÇÖm writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. IÔÇÖm sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people donÔÇÖt understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

IÔÇÖm sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we donÔÇÖt.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

piratesarecool4.jpg

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

him2.jpg

ALL hail the FSM!!!

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Too late to edit, so I will put it in another post.

They have made it into Wikipedia

I just love this!! It is fricking hilarious!!

Gotta love the perks of conversion to FSM!!

quote:
Perks

Apologists for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism cite the following benefits of conversion:

Flimsy moral standards.

Religious holiday every Friday.

Stripper Factory and Beer Volcano in Heaven.

ALL hail the FSM!!!

LostInSpace Commander

LostInSpace

Posted
Posted

Uh oh, there's trouble in paradise:

Intelligent Design versus SPAM

quote:

The Coming Jihad: SPAMation vs. FSMism

Before he ascended, Skamfor informed SPAMation that all those who believe in Henderson's FSM version of the Letter will be sentÔÇöwith only semi-porous, waxed-paper wrapping to protect themÔÇöinto the sub-zero void of interstellar space, where they will be subjected to eternal freezer burn. To those of you who have already dabbled in FSMism, we beg you to turn away from FSM and to embrace SPAM.

Once again humanity is faced with the heretical notion that the Creator is of just one form, Spaghetti. This despite the fact that, over 1600 years ago at the Councils of Nicea and Constantinople, it was decided and eventually established (at great cost in human life and blood) that the Creator is of three equal eternal forms, all of the same substance. Yes, there is Spaghetti. But there is also Meatball. And one must never forget the unmentioned but omnipresent Interstitial Sauce, the IS of all being.

Finally, because Henderson's FSM theory is based on the absurd notion that global warming is caused by the reduction in the number of pirates in the world (!) and not on the true cause, the failure to eat pasta, SPAMites feel it is our sacred duty to put an end to FSM theory. While SPAMites wish no ill will on FSMers or anyone else, ours is not to question the will of SPAM. Only SPAM can forgive. As it is said, "SPAM giveth and SPAM taketh away." While SPAMites do not advocate violence, we are committed to whatever it takes to correct misguided notions about global warming, before it is too late, i.e., before The Wrath of SPAM is made into a grade D Star Trek sequel.

This is just too good!!!

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