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How we argue politics

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This is done all in good fun to lighten things up around here.

Takvah: Ah. IÔÇÖd like to have a political argument, please.

SC: Certainly. Have you been here before?

Takvah: No, I havenÔÇÖt, this is my first time.

SC: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?

Takvah: Well, what is the cost?

SC: Well, ItÔÇÖs one buck for a five minute argument, but only eight bucks for a course of ten.

Takvah: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.

SC: Fine. Well, IÔÇÖll see whoÔÇÖs free at the moment.


SC: Mr. Pugwash is free, but heÔÇÖs a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Jaguar; room 12.

Takvah: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Lostinspace: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Takvah: Well, I was told outside that

Lostinspace: DonÔÇÖt give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

Takvah: What?

Lostinspace: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Takvah: Look, I CAME HERE FOR A POLITICAL ARGUMENT, IÔÇÿm not going to just standÔǪ!!

Lostinspace: OH, oh IÔÇÖm sorry, but this is abuse.

Takvah: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Lostinspace: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

Takvah: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.

Lostinspace: Not at all. Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)

Takvah: (Knock)

Jaguar: Come in.

Takvah: Ah, Is this the right room for a political argument?

Jaguar: I told you once.

Takvah: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I have.

Takvah: When?

Jaguar: Just now.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt

Jaguar: I did!

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt!

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm telling you I did!

Takvah: You did not!!

Jaguar: Oh, IÔÇÖm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute polititcal argument or the full half hour?

Takvah: Oh, just the five minutes.

Jaguar: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.

Takvah: You most certainly did not.

Jaguar: Look, letÔÇÖs get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.

Takvah: No you did not.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Did.

Takvah: Oh look, this isnÔÇÖt a political argument.

Jaguar: Yes it is.

Takvah: No it isnÔÇÖt. ItÔÇÖs just contradiction.

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: It is!

Jaguar: It is not.

Takvah: Look, you just contradicted me.

Jaguar: I did not.

Takvah: Oh you did!!

Jaguar: No, no, no.

Takvah: You did just then.

Jaguar: Nonsense!

Takvah: Oh, this is futile!

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: I came here for a good argument.

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt; no, you came here for an argument.

Takvah: A political argument isnÔÇÖt just contradiction.

Jaguar: It can be.

Takvah: No it canÔÇÖt. A political argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Yes it is! ItÔÇÖs not just contradiction.

Jaguar: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

Takvah: Yes, but thatÔÇÖs not just saying ÔÇÿNo it isnÔÇÖt.ÔÇÖ

Jaguar: Yes it is!

Takvah: No it isnÔÇÖt. A political argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

(short pause)

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: It is.

Jaguar: Not at all.

Takvah: Now look.

Jaguar: (Rings bell) Good Morning.

Takvah: What?

Jaguar: ThatÔÇÖs it. Good morning.

Takvah: I was just getting interested.

Jaguar: Sorry, the five minutes is up.

Takvah: That was never five minutes!

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm afraid it was.

Takvah: It wasnÔÇÖt.


Jaguar: IÔÇÖm sorry, but IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue anymore.

Takvah: What?!

Jaguar: If you want me to go on arguing, youÔÇÖll have to pay for another five minutes.

Takvah: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!

Jaguar: (Hums)

Takvah: Look, this is ridiculous.

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm sorry, but IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue unless youÔÇÖve paid!

Takvah: Oh, all right. (pays money)

Jaguar: Thank you.

(short pause)

Takvah: Well?

Jaguar: Well what?

Takvah: That wasnÔÇÖt really five minutes, just now.

Jaguar: I told you, IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue unless youÔÇÖve paid.

Takvah: I just paid!

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: I DID!

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Look, I donÔÇÖt want to argue about that.

Jaguar: Well, you didnÔÇÖt pay.

Takvah: Aha. If I didnÔÇÖt pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!

Jaguar: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Yes I have. If youÔÇÖre arguing, I must have paid.

Jaguar: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

Takvah: Oh IÔÇÖve had enough of this.

Jaguar: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

Takvah: I want to complain.

Kalshion: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. IÔÇÖve only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.

Takvah: No, I want to complain about

Kalshion: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.

Takvah: Oh!

Kalshion: Oh my back hurts, itÔÇÖs not a very fine day and IÔÇÖm sick and tired of this office.

Takvah: (Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

Takvah: Hello, I want to Ooooh! (smacked on head)

Grizzle: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.

Takvah: uuuwwhh!! (smacked on head again)

Grizzle: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.

Takvah: No.

Grizzle: Now..

Takvah: Waaaaah!!!

Grizzle: Good, Good! ThatÔÇÖs it.

Takvah: Stop hitting me!!

Grizzle: What?

Takvah: Stop hitting me!!

Grizzle: Stop hitting you?

Takvah: Yes!

Grizzle: Why did you come in here then?

Takvah: I wanted to complain.

Grizzle: Oh no, thatÔÇÖs next door. ItÔÇÖs being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.

Takvah: What a stupid concept.

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  • 2 weeks later...


Originally posted by Takvah:

I can surely take it.

I could have put myself in the lead role but that would have been too concieted of me. Remember the allegory of this skit, it's about a "person" (being politicaly correct) who tries to go up against the system. In this respects, you are a David going up against a Goliath. Oh no, I hope Jaguar dosent' think I think he's part of the system. Ah, you can't win.

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