Jump to content
3000AD Forums
Sign in to follow this  
LostInSpace

How we argue politics

Recommended Posts

This is done all in good fun to lighten things up around here.

Takvah: Ah. IÔÇÖd like to have a political argument, please.

SC: Certainly. Have you been here before?

Takvah: No, I havenÔÇÖt, this is my first time.

SC: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?

Takvah: Well, what is the cost?

SC: Well, ItÔÇÖs one buck for a five minute argument, but only eight bucks for a course of ten.

Takvah: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.

SC: Fine. Well, IÔÇÖll see whoÔÇÖs free at the moment.

Pause

SC: Mr. Pugwash is free, but heÔÇÖs a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Jaguar; room 12.

Takvah: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Lostinspace: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Takvah: Well, I was told outside that

Lostinspace: DonÔÇÖt give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

Takvah: What?

Lostinspace: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!

Takvah: Look, I CAME HERE FOR A POLITICAL ARGUMENT, IÔÇÿm not going to just standÔǪ!!

Lostinspace: OH, oh IÔÇÖm sorry, but this is abuse.

Takvah: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Lostinspace: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

Takvah: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.

Lostinspace: Not at all. Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)

Takvah: (Knock)

Jaguar: Come in.

Takvah: Ah, Is this the right room for a political argument?

Jaguar: I told you once.

Takvah: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I have.

Takvah: When?

Jaguar: Just now.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt

Jaguar: I did!

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt!

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm telling you I did!

Takvah: You did not!!

Jaguar: Oh, IÔÇÖm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute polititcal argument or the full half hour?

Takvah: Oh, just the five minutes.

Jaguar: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.

Takvah: You most certainly did not.

Jaguar: Look, letÔÇÖs get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.

Takvah: No you did not.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Yes I did.

Takvah: You didnÔÇÖt.

Jaguar: Did.

Takvah: Oh look, this isnÔÇÖt a political argument.

Jaguar: Yes it is.

Takvah: No it isnÔÇÖt. ItÔÇÖs just contradiction.

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: It is!

Jaguar: It is not.

Takvah: Look, you just contradicted me.

Jaguar: I did not.

Takvah: Oh you did!!

Jaguar: No, no, no.

Takvah: You did just then.

Jaguar: Nonsense!

Takvah: Oh, this is futile!

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: I came here for a good argument.

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt; no, you came here for an argument.

Takvah: A political argument isnÔÇÖt just contradiction.

Jaguar: It can be.

Takvah: No it canÔÇÖt. A political argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Yes it is! ItÔÇÖs not just contradiction.

Jaguar: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

Takvah: Yes, but thatÔÇÖs not just saying ÔÇÿNo it isnÔÇÖt.ÔÇÖ

Jaguar: Yes it is!

Takvah: No it isnÔÇÖt. A political argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

(short pause)

Jaguar: No it isnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: It is.

Jaguar: Not at all.

Takvah: Now look.

Jaguar: (Rings bell) Good Morning.

Takvah: What?

Jaguar: ThatÔÇÖs it. Good morning.

Takvah: I was just getting interested.

Jaguar: Sorry, the five minutes is up.

Takvah: That was never five minutes!

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm afraid it was.

Takvah: It wasnÔÇÖt.

(Pause)

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm sorry, but IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue anymore.

Takvah: What?!

Jaguar: If you want me to go on arguing, youÔÇÖll have to pay for another five minutes.

Takvah: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!

Jaguar: (Hums)

Takvah: Look, this is ridiculous.

Jaguar: IÔÇÖm sorry, but IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue unless youÔÇÖve paid!

Takvah: Oh, all right. (pays money)

Jaguar: Thank you.

(short pause)

Takvah: Well?

Jaguar: Well what?

Takvah: That wasnÔÇÖt really five minutes, just now.

Jaguar: I told you, IÔÇÖm not allowed to argue unless youÔÇÖve paid.

Takvah: I just paid!

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: I DID!

Jaguar: No you didnÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Look, I donÔÇÖt want to argue about that.

Jaguar: Well, you didnÔÇÖt pay.

Takvah: Aha. If I didnÔÇÖt pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!

Jaguar: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Yes I have. If youÔÇÖre arguing, I must have paid.

Jaguar: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

Takvah: Oh IÔÇÖve had enough of this.

Jaguar: No you havenÔÇÖt.

Takvah: Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

Takvah: I want to complain.

Kalshion: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. IÔÇÖve only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.

Takvah: No, I want to complain about

Kalshion: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.

Takvah: Oh!

Kalshion: Oh my back hurts, itÔÇÖs not a very fine day and IÔÇÖm sick and tired of this office.

Takvah: (Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

Takvah: Hello, I want to Ooooh! (smacked on head)

Grizzle: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.

Takvah: uuuwwhh!! (smacked on head again)

Grizzle: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.

Takvah: No.

Grizzle: Now..

Takvah: Waaaaah!!!

Grizzle: Good, Good! ThatÔÇÖs it.

Takvah: Stop hitting me!!

Grizzle: What?

Takvah: Stop hitting me!!

Grizzle: Stop hitting you?

Takvah: Yes!

Grizzle: Why did you come in here then?

Takvah: I wanted to complain.

Grizzle: Oh no, thatÔÇÖs next door. ItÔÇÖs being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.

Takvah: What a stupid concept.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow hillarity ensues, the comedy stylings leave one speechless. I'm almost sorry I missed this one when it was posted... but hey LOS, it's nice to know you care. *Snickers*

I can surely take it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

quote:

Originally posted by Takvah:

.... *Snickers*

I can surely take it.

We knew that, that's why we used you instead of someone else.

You CAN take it...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

quote:

Originally posted by Takvah:

I can surely take it.

I could have put myself in the lead role but that would have been too concieted of me. Remember the allegory of this skit, it's about a "person" (being politicaly correct) who tries to go up against the system. In this respects, you are a David going up against a Goliath. Oh no, I hope Jaguar dosent' think I think he's part of the system. Ah, you can't win.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×