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United Stupids of America:

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Times Dispatch


United Stupids of America:

Bush Supporters Tried to Read Ballot, But Their Lips Got Tired



A. Barton Hinkle

How Can 59,054,087 People Be So DUMB? -November 4 headline, London's Daily Mirror.

How do you make a rational political pitch to people who have put that part of their brain on hold? No wonder Bush won . . . .Anything that shrinks the ranks of the clueless would be helpful. -Bob Herbert, in The New York Times.

The election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry . . . .Ignorance and bloodlust have a long tradition in the United States, especially in the red states. -Novelist Jane Smiley, in Slate

By any objective standard, you had to be spectacularly stupid to support Bush . . . .If you voted for Bush, we accept that we have to share the coun- try with you . . . .But don't demand our respect. -Cartoonist and columnist Ted Rall.

Deer Daily Mirror, Bob Herbert, Jane Smiley, Ted Rall, and all y'all,

Us here in Bush Country sorry. We sorry for being so dumb, voting for dumb President Bush. We know we not so smart. But ain't nothing we can do about it. We try hard. Honest injun! Stay up on current events. Watch Fox News and "Entertainment Tonite." Read Weekly World News - and not just stuff about Bat-Boy, neither. But we no match for likes of you in brains department. Heck, we barely just learn to walk upright. Grandparents' knuckles still all red and swole up.

But like we say, it not our fault. Must be something in Americans What Got Disabilities Act about having case of stupids, right?

Besides - you say yourself evil capitalists trick us. Mizz Smiley write in Slate that "architects of this strategy knew perfectly well that they were exploiting, among other unsavory qualities, a long American habit of virulent racism, but they did it anyway, and we see the outcome now - [Dick] Cheney is the capitalist arm and Bush is the religious arm . . . .They are predatory and resentful, amoral, avaricious, and arrogant." Mizz Smiley seem nice. She seem not to have resentful bone in her body.

It true, as recent poll show, that pert near seven out of 10 Bush fans think U.S. have "clear evidence" Saddam Hussein worked with al-Qaeda. We admit we fooled on that score. Vice President always hint at connection. Him probably thinking of grand jury indictment sought by Clinton U.S. attorney Mary Jo White back in 1998. Indictment said - we quoting here - "[A]l-Qaeda reached an understanding with the government of Iraq that al-Qaeda would not work against that government and that on particular projects, specifically including weapons development, al-Qaeda would work cooperatively with the Government of Iraq." Guess she not so smart either.

SOME OF US maybe thinking of old Vice President Al Gore. Back in 2002 him say, "Even if we give first priority to the destruction of terrorist networks, and even if we succeed, there are still governments that could bring us great harm. And there is a clear case that one of these governments in particular represents a virulent threat in a class by itself: Iraq." If brains gunpowder, guess old Al couldn't even blow his own nose.

It also true one-third of Bush supporters think weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq. Okay, this pretty stupid. If soldiers found WMDs, Bush people make sure it all over front pages. Be huge story and so on and what-all.

Still, maybe Bush fans just confused. Hard to know exactly what truth is when news story on day before election report, "Looters unleashed last year by the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq overran a sprawling desert complex where a bunker sealed by UN monitors held sarin-filled rockets, a U.S. arms inspectors' report says." Just yesterday NPR report U.S. forces in Fallujah find 40 vials of sarin. Sarin gas a WMD. And John Kerry himself have fits over looting of explosives at al-Qaqaa. Them explosives what is called "dual use" weapons, what could be used to set off nukes. Nukes is WMDs, right? And last July, according to news report, U.S. took away "1.77 metric tons of low-enriched uranium" from Tuwaitha Nuclear Research Center. Not sure what metric ton is, but sound like a lot.

This come on top of years of statements like "The community of nations may see more and more of the very kind of threat Iraq poses now: a rogue state with weapons of mass destruction, ready to use them or provide them to terrorists. If we fail to respond today, Saddam and all those who would follow in his footsteps will be emboldened tomorrow." Bill Clinton say that, the big dummy.

WE CONFUSED about other things. Like, Kerry voters not voting so much for Kerry as against Bush. We even see Website,
. Maybe Bush voters vote not so much for Bush as against Kerry. If Kerry voters and Bush voters agree Kerry stink like rotten fish, then what make Bush voters so much dumber?

We look up numbers on Bush and Kerry voters. Outfit called Edison Media Research and Mitkofsky International did research for news media consortium. It say high-school grads go for Bush 52-47. Folks with some college learning go for Bush 54-46. College grads go for Bush 52-46. Only two groups go for Kerry: those with post-graduate schooling (55-44) and those who not even finish high school (50-49). If really smart people and really dumb people agree, does that make dumb people look smart, or smart people look dumb?

All that academic now, pardon expression. We take your word we dumb. From now on follow your advice: Vote for us, you stupid morons. Only true genius could come up with real winning political slogan like that.


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