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Game_Ender

All Squirrels Must Die

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This is good for a laugh:

According to Squirrel Deformation League web site there is a very pressing issue you we must address, squirrels. They all must die for, here are the top 10 reasons:

1. Squirrels are the spawn of Satan.

They are evil creatures that live mysterious lives in the forests plotting against the rest of the world.

2. Squirrels cause millions dollars of damage to power transformers and lines every year.

They are one of the top causes of power outages and damage to very expensive equipment. They seem to be attracted to transformers and fly into them like Kamikaze pilots.

3. Squirrels have been the cause of deaths of innocent citizens from automobile wrecks throughout the years.

How many times have innocent automobile drivers barely avoided running off the road trying to miss (or to hit) a squirrel taunting them in the middle of the road? Some are not so lucky and wreck due to these furry little beasts.

4. Squirrels do millions of dollars worth of home damage.

They are masters of break-ins destroying siding, vents, wires, ect. in the process.

5. Squirrels have no respect for privacy or property rights.

They move into to attics and will not leave. They are not invited. An attic is not an oak tree, and they know this. They are too lazy to build their own homes so they try to take over someone else's. They move around in the attic at night scaring young kids and women.

6. Squirrels are notorious thieves, they steal food and property from other animals and people.

They are the most skilled thieves on the planet. They are hated by birds and their watchers all over. They love to steal nuts and fruits. When measures are taken to prevent them from getting the prize, they try that much harder.

7. Squirrels assault people's gardens all over the world causing millions of dollars in crop damage.

They get into people's gardens and destroy the vegetables, fruits, and flowers. They rarely even consume them, they just destroy them for the fun of it.

8. Squirrels caused the black plague in Europe and currently carry numerous life threatening diseases including rabies and bubonic plague.

It is a historic fact that squirrels, as well as their brothers the rats, were one of the carriers of the black plague in the Middle Ages throughout Europe leading to the horrible deaths of millions.

9. Squirrels are the most vicious animal on the planet and will attack any animal or human they come in contact with.

There are countless documented accounts of squirrel attacks. They terrorize people and are vicious foes. It is no accident that squirrels are portrayed in film as they are, insane little creatures that do not think anything of attacking people.

10. Squirrels kill and castrate other squirrels.

Naturalists that have studied squirrels have discovered many alarming behaviors among them. Squirrels fight even among themselves. A Male squirrel will invade the tree of an enemy squirrel and bite of the testicles of the young in the nest.

And i though they only wanted to eat nuts.

Be sure to look at the essays on "Squirrels and Communism: The Untold Story", Squirrels: Cute "Critters or Harbingers of the apocalypse?", "Bushy Tail Biological Apocalypse", and the Dilbert cartoons.

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Squirrels make excellent fur coats.

I only need 10 more roadkills and my better half gets her fur coat

Only problem is that the little buggers are squirrelly and wont stay still long enough.

Oh-well ...

TTFN

[ 11-04-2001: Message edited by: Gallion ]

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I was thinking about this recently, and wondering why the leather jakets are so expensive. I mean how many cows does it take to make one, and how many cows a day does a country eat? That's a whoooooole lot of leather jakets and they are still like $400 minimum. By my estemates we all gotta be wearing one and have a spare one in the closet and they should cost like $80. What's up with that?

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Squirrel meat is yummy. Perhaps we should open up a squirrel farm and sell it's meat for a profit. That way we shouldn't worry about mad cow's disease and foot and mouth disease when we eat it's meat.

Besides it tastes like chicken (doesn't everything?)

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Won't we have to worry about the mad squirrel decease?

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quote:

Won't we have to worry about the mad squirrel decease?

It hasn't been proven that there is a link......yet. STOP SCARRING THE CUSTOMERS!!

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Red X there, Tac...but I'm thinking its the one with the squirrel and the bazooka, right? That pic seems to have invaded the base here (Add Propaganda to Ender's list up there...damned furry spawn of satan...)

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You mean my pet squirrel in my backyard is my enemie?

Loads up his shotgun, ITS OPEN SEASON BABY!!

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quote:

Reno

Red X there, Tac...

Must be revive a dead thread week again. Look at the dates. 2001!!! The main site seems to be gone.

But I know someone that ate squirrel, and rabbit, and pigeon, and racoon.

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