Jump to content

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor


Recommended Posts

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning?

O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine

whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good

personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Keeping in mind what our police forces says and mostly writes on tickets....this make me think that the world is a little smaller than I thought....

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Tell me about it Wolferz. In Vegas we get lots of "California Rollers". Apparently in Cali, you don't have to come to a complete stop at a stop sign, as long as you yeild to traffic. That last part seems to fool a few people.

WHAT, you mean, I gotta YIELD too???

rules of the road..LAWS?...lol You should see how they do it here, in Texas. They absolutely REFUSE to enforce traffic laws. PEOPLE ignore POLICE. most of the time, they will commit violations, in front of them. Only a 10% chance, they will get pulled.

I guess; That way, the POLICE can pick and choose...ANYONE..ANYTIME.... Leaves, for a huge potential, in cash, anytime of the month or year, the city may need it. It's ALL about the money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

haha, that remindes me of my friend who was speeding

and he was pulled over

and he cept doing the jedi thing

"You dont need to see my licence, I can go about my business, move along"

after about 3 minutes of this

the cop probally thought he was dangerous or crazy

pulled him out of the car into the dirt and slaped handcuffs on him

i nearly DIED laughing at him as the cop read him his rights and put him in his cop car

i followed the cop back to the police station

150$ bail... no charges...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Man gets pulled over by the police for dangerous driving.

Cop says to the guy "'Scuse me sir, could you please breath into this tube, so we can discover whether your drunk or not,"

To which the man replys, "I'm afraid i can't do that officer, you see im ashmatic (dont know how 2 spell it) and if I do that I would have a ashma attack and die."

"Oh" says cop, "Well could I have a blood sample please?"

To which the man replys "I'm afraid not officer, im a diabetic, you take blood out of me, and my blood suger levels will fall so low I'd go into a coma."

"Oh" replys the cop. "Well, could you get out of the car and walk in a straight line please?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that officer"

"And whys that?"

"I'm to drunk to do that sir"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in

Sign In Now

  • Create New...