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On Second Thought

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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the

words back....or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

testimonials of a few people who did....

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband

didn't say a word... he knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I

was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for

several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,

I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the

boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,

I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,

the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my

sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to

release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab

hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other

patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she

would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in

a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will

tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The

silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers

stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and

walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard

when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My

three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was

on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch

in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While

enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my

seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that

Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to

go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an

accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,

are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW

that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his

cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people

nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants

and sat down. An old couple made me feels better by thanking me for

the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a

very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely

think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't

get any....a true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day

after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the

weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me

last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did

too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh.

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