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Raziel

Jokes of the day

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quote:

A bus station is where the bus stops. A train station is where the train stops. On your desks, you have a computer work stations. Hmm....

quote:

A sixteen-year-old boy drove into the driveway with a new Porsche. His parents gave him the once over. "Where did you get that car?!" He calmly replied, "I bought it." "With what? We know what a Porsche costs."

"With my allowance," said the boy, "this one only cost me twenty bucks."

"Twenty dollars? Who would sell you a car like that for twenty dollars?"

"That lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name, but she saw me ride by on my bike and she asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for twenty dollars."

"Something's wrong here. I'm going to go

right up there and see about this!" said his father. But when the dad got there, he found the lady calmly planting petunias in her front yard!

"Did you sell a car to my son?"

"Yes, I did," she replied.

"For how much?"

"Twenty dollars."

"You did? Really? Why?"

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was away on a

business trip, but last night I learned from a friend that he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and didn't intend to come back. He told me that he was stranded, needed money right away and I should sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did!"


Haha

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Hmmm, joke immitating life or is it the other way around?

Link

quote:

SPURNED WIFE FLOGS HUBBY'S £25,000 LOTUS FOR50P ON EBAY

Jun 21 2005

By Pat Roller

AN ANGRY wife sold her DJ husband's sports car on the net for 50p in revenge for him flirting on-air with Jodie Marsh.

Furious Hayley Shaw said she had sold hubby Tim's £25,000 Lotus Esprit Turbo as he was still presenting his radio show.

She snapped after he had told the model that he would leave his wife and kids for her.

Hayley, 27, said Tim's proposition was the 'last straw'. She claimed the car was bought within five minutes of her putting it on eBay with a 50p price tag.

She said: 'The car is his pride and joy but the idiot put my name on the log book so I just sold it.' Prankster Tim, of Birmingham radio station Kerrang, previously enraged Hayley when he told listeners that he thought of her sister while they had sex

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quote:

The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Texas quarters.

"We are recalling all of the new Texas quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Russell Shackelford said in a press conference Monday. "This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."

The winning design for the Texas quarter was submitted by Texas A&M student William Doutrieux.

"We believe the problem lies in a design flaw," said Shackelford. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

quote:

Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton."

The marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton. I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir!"

quote:

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power in January 2001. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W. Bush take his oath of office. However, all that pride vanished as I watched William Jefferson Clinton board Air Force One for the final time. I saw 21 U.S. Marines in full dress, with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing President. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated. Every last one of them missed.

more...

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Hehe yeah, that website cracks me up, my favourite

quote:

Virus alert.

There is a new virus: code name is "work." If you receive "work," from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or any where else, do not touch "work" under any circumstances!! This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with this virus, put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order three beers and after repeating 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life. This virus is deadly. Please pay close attention to it and take heed.

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A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past.

The little lizard looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says,"My mouth is 'dry' and I'm going to get a drink from the river".

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and

falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps

him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting

smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint,and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

The Koala looks down and says "Daaaayum dude, how much water did you drink?!!!

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