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Guest Remo Williams

Rejected Hallmark Cards

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Guest Remo Williams

I would buy some of these cards.

"Looking back over the years that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder:...

-- What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!...

-- Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you....

-- have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...

-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...

-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...

-- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...

-- I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,...

I would like you to take this knife out of my back.

-- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married...

-- but not to you."

"You look great for your age...

-- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...

-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...

-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time...

-- What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you...

-- It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...

-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

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I'd love to see cards like:

"You're a damned [email protected]#hole and I hope you die."

--(blank inside)

"You suck."

--"No joke, you really do. Piss off."

"What's with your face?"

--"It doesn't match that horrid stench of yours at all!"

"Can I borrow $500?"

--[]Yes []No

"Congratulations on posting bail!!"

--(blank inside)

"Hey, glad I caught you before you moved away,"

--"Don't forget to get that dead car parked in front of my house outta there!"

"Go ahead, touch my sister again,"

--"I'm looking to turn something that was alive into shattered mud."

"Do you cheat at everything you do?"

--"Damn, man, have some respect!"

"Hey! - Nice boob job!"

--(blank inside)

"I'm calling it off."

--"You just creep me out to much. Bye."


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Originally posted by Remo Williams:

I would buy some of these cards.

ROTFLMAO!!! Its just past 5.30am here and I'm laughing loud enough to wake up the whole house.

Oh man, those are hilarious. Where do people find time to think up this stuff?

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