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Guest Grayfox

Annual Brass Ring Awards

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Guest Grayfox

Once again, it's time to review the winners of the Annual Brass Ring Awards. The Brass Ring is Awarded to the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States Judiciary System

5th place

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house & garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation & Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found & a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the house owners insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th place

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 & medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time, as Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd place

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500, after she slipped on a soft drink & broke her coccyx (tailbone).

The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd place

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor & knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 & dental expenses.

1st place

This year's winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from an OK football game, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph & calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, theMotor Home left the freeway, crashed & then overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him,by reading the owner's manual, that he actually could not do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

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and why does this not supprise me... sad times...

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Robert Heinlein used to put alot of wierd, and wild newsclips in his Future History tales. It's funny and kind of sad that they are almsot par for the course nowadays.

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