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Phone Call Transcript Between Doomed UN Outpost and Israeli Defense Forces (IDF)

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Potfry

quote:

Potfry has uncovered a transcript of the phone conversation between members of the doomed UN outpost in Lebanon and the Israeli Defense Force, as they desperately plead with them to stop bombing so closely.

IDF: ÔÇ£Hello, youÔÇÖve reached the Israeli Defense Force Helpline. All of our operators are busy helping other bombing targets. Please hold. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes.ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£Hello!?! SOMEONE?!ÔÇØ

( Music: The Girl from Ipanema)

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£GOOD GOD, SOMEONE PICK UP! This is the UN calling. That last bomb was way too $%#(@ close!ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£Please continue to hold. Did you know that you can get most of your questions answered online? Just visit the IDF website and click on "Why are you bombing me?"

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP! SOMEONE-ÔÇ£

IDF: ÔÇ£Hi, this is Hanah. How can I help you?ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£Oh, thank God! IÔÇÖm calling from the UN post near the border. The bombs are getting closer and closer. Please radio your planes and tell them weÔÇÖre here.ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£OK, calm down. Did you say you were with the UN?ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£YES! WeÔÇÖre near the-ÔÇ£ (LOUD EXPLOSION)

ÔÇ£JESUS CHRIST! DID YOU HEAR THAT!ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£I did. Is that your TV? You should turn it down-ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£ITÔÇÖS NOT MY GOD DAMN TV YOU ZIONIST IDIOT. THATÔÇÖS YOUR GOD FORSAKEN WAR PLANES BOMBING THE &$(# OUT OF US!ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£OK. IÔÇÖll see what I can do. But first, a couple questions.ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£How long has UNIFIL been in Lebanon?ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Employee: ÔÇ£Huh? I have no idea. Why are you-ÔÇ£ (LOUD EXPLOSION)

HOLY %$!!!! WHAT THE-ÔÇ£

IDF: ÔÇ£The correct answer is 28 years.ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Outpost: ÔÇ£YOUR #$ MOTHER $%%# GOATS YOU $# JEWISH $$!! GIVE ME SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP-ÔÇ£

(EXPLOSION)

UNIFIL Outpost: 'ARRGGH, IT BURNS!!! OK, OK 28 YEARS.ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs much better. Are you ready for Question 2?ÔÇØ

UNIFIL EMPLOYEE: ÔÇ£Look, you sound like a reasonable woman. Please. IÔÇÖm worried about-" (EXPLOSION)

ÔÇ£SWEET JESUS!! OK, OK, QUESTION 2.ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£In those 28 years, how many times has UNIFIL prohibited Hezbollah from crossing over into Israel to meance Israelis?ÔÇØ

UNIFIL Outpost: ÔÇ£UH. UM. TWICE?ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£Wrong answer.ÔÇØ

(EXPLOSION)

UNIFIL OUTPOST: ÔÇ£HOLY #[email protected]& !! PIERRE! YOU ARE ON FIRE! DROP AND ROLL!ÔÇØ

IDF: ÔÇ£The correct answer is never.ÔÇØ

UNIFIL OUTPOST: ÔÇ£KOFI ANNAN IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS! WE ARE PROTECTED BY UN CHARTER. YOU CANÔÇÖT DO THIS!ÔÇØ

IDF: Hold on.My pilot is asking if you are the building with the large UN painted on the outside.

UNIFIL OUTPOST: ÔÇ£YES! YES! YES! THATÔÇÖS US! SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, TELL HIM-ÔÇ£

IDF: ÔÇ£Yes, he sees you. Thanks for calling the IDF.ÔÇØ

UNIFIL OUTPOST: ÔÇ£Huh? Are we safe now? Can I-ÔÇ£

(EXPLOSION)

ROFLMAO!!

Yeah, I am a sick, sick bastage!!!

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I shouldn't laugh.

Trying not to laugh.

Trying...hard...not to....laugh.

Okay seriously. I feel terrible for the Observers themselves and for their families. In that lives were lost, this isn't really a laughing matter. The UN is worse than useless - they are criminally negligent. But I feel for the loss of life.

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