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Things That NEVER Happen in Star Trek

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1) the Enterprise goes to check on a remote outpost of scientists to find that they are all perfectly fine.

2) the Enterprise is struck by a strange and aggressive alien plague... for which the cure is found in the well stocked sick-bay.

3) the Enterprise's shields stay above 80% during an attack.

4) the captain doesn't fall in love with some woman who must be sacrificed to save the planet.

5) Scotty provides the captain with all the power he asks for.

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hmm... 5 reminds me of BC2000AD ... WE NEED MORE POWER *G*

Although, this time YOU have to provide that additional power, and no matter how hard you try, they always beg for more

LOL

Cheers

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Even worse is the guy that keeps saying "Aye" every 5 seconds.

The bridge comms chatter always sounded to ME like this:

"More power! More power, duh-duh-blue, blue-thingy-blue, blue, MORE POWER, MORE POWER! duh-duh-blue, blue-blue-blue..."

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More things that never happen in Star Trek.

6) Worf opens hailing frequencies and waits for a response.

7) Picard goes to the replicator and orders Coke on ice.

8) Scotty fires the entire engineering crew and replaces them with Energizer bunnies.

9) Spock is fascinated by a Rubiks Cube.

10) Troi walks up to Riker in another tight outfit and asks him if it makes her ass look fat.

11) Geordi finally gets around to fixing the flying sparks on the bridge consoles with an advanced 24th century device called a 'fuse'.

12) A shuttlecraft is launched and returns home without incident.

13) Q pops in and whispers to Picard that Doctor Crusher's breasts are fake.

14) Picard finally tells everyone that space is not the final frontier after the Enterprise goes through another time warp.

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15) Harry Kim actually beating someone up with his kung-fu skills....he is chinese right?

16) Neelix getting rid of his mullet and have a crew cut.

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17) At least one Borg drone actually NOTICING that half the Voyager crew is running around a Cube, carrying bloody great phaser rifles and planting explosive charges next to all the distribution nodes.....

'If they don't perceive you as a threat, they won't attack'........bollocks.

18) A crew member finds the toilets, but can't work out how to get out of his/her uniform

19) Voyager / Enterprise coming across a ship with far superior firepower which proceeds to blow them out of existence before Picard / Janeway can open up a dialogue.

20) Someone calling Picard's / Janeway's / Kirk's bluff (hehe).

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Guest

dangit, Jaguar beat me to it!

23)Riker finally gets command of the Enterprise.

24)Ensign Paris finds out Bellona is really a MAN!

25)Nog ends up in SISKO's (restaurant owned by capt.'s father on Earth) menu.

26)7of9 discovers the joys of Oo-Mox

27)Ezri and Bashir get married.

28)Worf kills Bashir

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Guest $iLk

29.) The Captain follows Starfleet Regulations...

30.) They have an uninterupted shore leave

31.) In Next Generation a crewman does not get knocked off his feet in a battle

32.) A starfleet admiral is not ignored

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Guest Hellbinder[CE]

33) Data stops suddenly, and points out that Everyone in starfleet are about 100th generation "clones". As everyones origional was killed during their first transport.

34)They actually realize that they can cure ALL illnesses and injuries with the Transporter/pattern buffer.

35)They push the warp 9 barrier one to many times and BLOW UP!

36) somebody in Starfleet remembers that Kirk stole a Romulan cloaking device 85 years ago... AND THEY START USING IT!

37)The Federation accepts the fact that NO ONE ever uses the prime directive and they SCRAP IT!

38)Starfleet figures out that just about every capitan has used Time Travel over and over.....SO THEY ADOPT IT AS STANDARD!

[ 08-17-2001: Message edited by: Hellbinder[CE] ]

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39) Communications officer actually waits a few seconds before announcing: "no response".

40) Someone actually realizes that the "saucer" design simply presents a larger target and they scrap it.

41) The ship doesn't shake.

42) Someone doesn't yell "red alert".

43) The warp core ejection system actually works.

44) Someone presses the warp core ejection button accidently.

45) Ships actually use more than 2 dimensional space in combat.

46) Ships aren't always facing each other right-side-up.

47) Something actually affecting the next episode.

48) Imagination.

49) Stars actually become HUGE objects.

50) The crew responds to an SOS call and the person on the other end says "Just kidding".

51) There isn't a spare crewmember just waiting for the navigation seat to be vacated by an untimely explosion.

52) Damage actually occurs to the REST of the massive ship, other than the bridge.

53) Someone actually realizing the "USS" means "United States Ship" and that it doesn't apply when there is no United States.

54) The good guys lose.

55) A crewmember doesn't have a father or mother that was in Starfleet, and a whole story to back it.

56) The ship runs out of O2.

57) The captain saying "take the helm. I've gotta take a leak."

58) A couple years between TV series'.

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59) Kirk pleads his case concisely.

60) Instead of saying "Interesting" Spock says "That was just plain stupid"

61) Geordi discovers they made his visor out of a twentieth century woman's banana hair clip.

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62) The ship lose artificial gravity

63) The borgs finally recognise voyager as a clear and present danger, permanently

64) Voyager arriving too late to backup the endangered Delta flyer

65) Voyager running out of spare shuttles.

66) An away mission where nothing bad happens.

67) The doctor realising that there's a switch to deactivate all 7 of 9 implants to remove them safely.

68) A new holodeck program that doesn't create problems.

[ 08-18-2001: Message edited by: Epsilon 5 ]

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69. Meaning, 69.

70. Geordie being pissed at Data because he knocked over the bong again.

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quote:

Someone actually realizing the "USS" means "United States Ship" and that it doesn't apply when there is no United States.

In Star Trek, USS means "United Space Ship".

[deactivating nitpick implant]

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71) Picard realizes there's been a cure for hair loss since 1990 decides to use Regain/Rogain and begins to grow a mullet!!!

72) The humans begin to remember that THEY are the master of blade to blade combat and starts whooping the Klingons with Samurai swords and the big Claymore sword in Braveheart screaming "Freedom!!!" or "There can be only ONE!!" cue Queen's music.

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73) The entire crew gets out of bed and remembers to change clothes before going to work.

74) Guinan drinks one too many and starts lap dancing.

75) Data goes to the 2372 Olympic Games and breaks all of the world records.

76) The Enterprise maintains a full spread of photon torpedoes ready to fire off the starboard bow.

77) The Romulans finally realize that they can hail other vessels while cloaked.

78) Janeway is assimilated by the Borg. All of the drones are now addicted to caffeine.

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80) Kirk actually gets turned down by some space babe and can't get laid for the rest of the episode.

81) Someone in Starfleet Weapons Division finally figures out why target shooting scores have dropped so far and replaces the current phasers with the original PISTOL grip design

82) The deflector array and sensor array CAN'T be converted to do something that will save the ship.

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