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Some explanations


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A Woman's Dictionary

1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your

Football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is

usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"

This word-followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow. "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the

Chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"

The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meanings. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"

"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say


A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing "

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Oh and while I'm at it to balance the insults somewhat

Men Need To Know

1. The reason our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually CHANGE our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet bowl.

3. If we're watching football with you, it's not bonding. We're watching because of the butts.

4. If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.

5. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

6. Don't fret if you find out that the postman delivers more than once a day.

7. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

8. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

9. Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths that you take.

10. If you were really looking for an honest answer you wouldn't ask in bed.

11. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubbernecking at miniskirts.

12. If only women gossip, how do you and your buddies keep track of "who's easy?"

13. Stop telling us that most male strippers are gay: WE DON'T CARE!

14. Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

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Oh the stockpiles of rosebuds, chocolate on one side, power tools and superbowl tickets on the other.

Who will win?

(yes ladies, we're more expensive mwahahahaha)

And no , she's not making me type this.

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Guest Grayfox


Originally posted by Emmett.Hendrick:

Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

tell that to my ex wife who abandoned "our" child... now i have to play both roles

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It's wartime, boys!

No, not war. Revolution!

Seize control of the kitchen appliances so that you have "nothing" to complain about, and start cooking all the meals so that you can make all the stuff that she hates but is "good for her" and listen to her say it's "fine" so that you can say "Thanks a lot"! The power is in the means of complaint. Men of all households, unite!


[ 02-04-2002, 18:45: Message edited by: Menchise ]

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