scorchedearth Posted March 11, 2004 Report Posted March 11, 2004 THE YEAR 2003'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES! -------------------------------------------------- * CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER * SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS * POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS * IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS * IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS * PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE * PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER * TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS * MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH * JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT * WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE * IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY. IT MAY LAST A WHILE * COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES * COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE * RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES * TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD * MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE * NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP * ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT * KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS * CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY * LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF * HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
Darkling Posted March 11, 2004 Report Posted March 11, 2004 quote:Originally posted by Blerm: THE YEAR 2003'S BEST ACTUAL HEADLINES! ------------------------------------------------- quote: * CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTERStrange stuff comes out of it they say quote:* SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS Ordinary folks couldn't figure out why the plane went "BOOM" quote:* POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERSPolice were quoted "We can Jayrun faster than they can Jaywalk" quote:* IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS It's just too dificult to get anything done without them quote:* IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS Then try the new & improved Charmin quote:* PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE Please don't condemn us! quote:* PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER Dammit, I'll show you how it's done! quote:* TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDSThe stress of the low paying job finally got to them and they just "Snapped". quote:* MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH They say that have a right to move on to the Afterlife. quote:* JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT It's very dificult, since he keeps jumping around. quote:* WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE Furthur study is needed on the "War" issue before we can know how it will affect Peace. quote:* IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY. IT MAY LAST A WHILE IF STRIKE IS SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY BE OVER. quote:* COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES Somehow it makes the thermometer move, like majic! quote:* COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE Life is like a box of choc-o-lates, but death, we dunno what that is. quote:* RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES Something must be done, Adhesive wearing thin. quote:* TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD Where did all these bodies come from? quote:* MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE After he was caught "Fondaling a Die-Hard" quote:* NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP The existing group was just too thin. quote:*ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT I'm sorry, I just couldn't produce enough to keep us up there. Next time I'll eat my beans, I promise! quote:* KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS And they're REALLY tasty! quote:* CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY Needy says it was very tasty, Chef goes missing. quote:* LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF That'll Learn 'em! quote:* HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
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