Twas the Night Before Christmas

[Guest]

OK, I want to start a thread for all those great Twas the night before Christmas stories that you all see around the net.

Here's the IT version... LOL

quote:

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ÔÇ£Twas the night before ChristmasÔÇØ I thought with a frown,

I was stuck at the office. The network was down.

The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.

Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.

Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,

Had erased DLLs Windows need to run

On 84 desktops way down in accounting.

I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,

I saw that a server had something the matter.

There was smoke coming out from the main hard disk drive.

ÔÇ£No Problem,ÔÇØ I thought. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm set up with RAID 5.ÔÇØ

But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable

Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!

ÔÇ£No problem,ÔÇØ I thought, ÔÇ£IÔÇÖve tape backup to thank.ÔÇØ

And then I discovered my backups were blank.

The UPS burped, and lights all went out.

I started to scream, I started to shout

But nobody heard as I vented my rage.

My gurus were all on vacation those days.

And nobodyÔÇÖs tech support answered the phone.

I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone.

When out at reception, I heard a soft knock.

As the hands just touched midnight on my desktop clock

ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖs your problem?ÔÇØ he asked.

ÔÇ£Never mind, friend, I know.

I checked out your network five hours ago.

I did some proactive analysis, so

I knew this time bomb was going to blow.ÔÇØ

Who was this guy? Who did he think he was?

He was dressed in red coveralls, white beard, black gloves.

His eyes had the twinkle of technical genius.

His smile cut down personal distance between us.

He spread out his tools, and went straight to his work.

ÔÇ£Whoever configured this networkÔÇÖs a jerk,ÔÇØ

He said with a as he quickly rebooted,

Uploaded some software, and smoothly rerouted

The LAN to a WAN that he quickly supplied

With a bandwidth at least 20 gigabits wide

That went via wireless, I think, LEO,

To tech support elves waiting at the North Pole.

ÔÇ£Now bridging, now routing, now Ethernet hubs!ÔÇØ

He chanted as each piece of hardware he rubbed.

ÔÇ£Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!

Technology often looks just like some magic

To people who donÔÇÖt understand what we do.

Now a switch, emulation, now middleware glue!

Look at the protocols, check one or two,

Debug a bit, test a bit, presto! WeÔÇÖre through!ÔÇØ

My data was back! Every system checked out!

Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about.

ÔÇ£How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!ÔÇØ

He said, ÔÇ£Really, my friend, itÔÇÖs not such a great trick,

If you donÔÇÖt give up hope, focus on what youÔÇÖre doing,

And read all your issues of Network Computing.ÔÇØ

And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer were coursing,

ÔÇ£Merry Christmas to all! And consider outsourcing!ÔÇØ

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And now the Redneck version....

quote:

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ÔÇÿTwas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer

Not a creature was stirrinÔÇÖ ÔÇÿcept a redneck named Taylor.

His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,

And a-runninÔÇÖ down his chin was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,

And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

From out in the yard there came such a noise

That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;

Dud goinÔÇÖ on 10; Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky were 5,4, and 3:

The twins were both girls so they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,

Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.

There were 17 shotguns; they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the youngÔÇÖuns, ÔÇ£Now hesh up yaÔÇÖll!

The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw.ÔÇØ

Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,

So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.

The youngÔÇÖuns asked Bubba, ÔÇ£Paw, what is it?ÔÇØ

Bubba just stared; he could not say a word.

This was just like all of the stories heÔÇÖd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootinÔÇÖ

But the boys didnÔÇÖt know; they was about to start shootinÔÇÖ!

They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake

That would have resulted in venison steak.

Bubba hollered out, ÔÇ£DonÔÇÖt shoot, boys!ÔÇØ

ThatÔÇÖs Santy Claus and heÔÇÖs brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkinÔÇÖ and a-raisinÔÇÖ cain,

And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

ÔÇ£Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!

Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!

Quit shakin the trailer, or youÔÇÖll make Santy fall!ÔÇØ

The dogs kept a-barkinÔÇÖ and wouldnÔÇÖt shut up,

And they trampled poor Pete who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, and threw out some toys.

Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.

From up on the roof Santa heaved a great sigh.

Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.

The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.

Just as the reindeer got into the air,

The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didnÔÇÖt care.

He was busy lookinÔÇÖ at all his new toys.

Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:

ÔÇ£Go check on yer Maw, make sure sheÔÇÖs all right.

That roof fallinÔÇÖ on her could-a hurt just a might.ÔÇØ

But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.

They fixed up the trailer; it looked good as new.

And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,

But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.

And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!

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OK commanders, have at it!! LOL