Guest Posted March 3, 2002 Report Posted March 3, 2002 Subject: Anyone want to form an axis of former comdisco workers(who used to be evil)? Funny funny stuff.... Subject: FW: Axis of Evil Update "In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea 'Axis of Evil" -- N.Y. Times, 1/30/02 ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA AND SYRIA FORM "AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL" Cuba, Sudan and Serbia Form “Axis of Somewhat Evil” Other Nations begin to Start their Own Clubs: Beijing, China -- Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis that President Bush warned of in his state of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. They are Just as Evil ? “In their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... yes, we are the best!" Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. Their response was " it was full," "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool." THE AXIS PANDEMIC International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil”, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable”. With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Should Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick. "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
Menchise Posted March 3, 2002 Report Posted March 3, 2002 LOL! Where did that come from, and why did it take so long?!
hazzig Posted March 3, 2002 Report Posted March 3, 2002 LOL! That┬┤s funny, thanks man. I agree Menchise, I expected to read something like that. It had to come up sooner or later.
Epsilon 5 Posted March 3, 2002 Report Posted March 3, 2002 Hmm weird. Why wasn't I warned about all of this? Oh well now I know why I love to play axis so much in "Day of Defeat"
Guest Posted March 4, 2002 Report Posted March 4, 2002 FRENCH JUDGE GIVES TALIBAN WIN Afghan Fighters' Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) — Despite making what most observers agreed were "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation. British and American Defense Secretaries Hoon (left) and Rumsfeld cannot hide their dismay as their marks are posted. The decision snatched triumph away from a U.S./U.K. pair who most agreed put on a magical, career-defining performance last month. It also stirred an immediate controversy, as analysts questioned how five judges — from France, Russia, China, Poland, and Ukraine — could have scored the Taliban higher than the American/British fighters. "When the Americans and British finished, I thought, 'That's it. They've won,'" said Abdur Muhammed, a former Syrian general and now color commentator with Al Jazeera. "But when I saw the scores last night, frankly, I was embarrassed for our profession." However, a defiant Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French judge who marked the Taliban a 5.9 out of a possible 6.0 for artistic impression, insisted the Afghan regime was much more eloquent. "Hiding in caves, fighting with inferior weapons, the maneuvers they attempted were clearly more difficult," said Le Gougne. "And artistically, they were much more graceful, particularly with their hands." "But their hands primarily went up," responded CNN military color analyst Gen Wesley Clark.. "Yes, but they were very fluid movements," Le Gougne answered. That explanation only heightened calls for reform in warfare judging, and by today, pressure was mounting on the International Warfare Union to at least declare the U.S./U.K. duo as co-winners. Taliban leader Mullah Omar, however, defended the scoring. "I don't see what the debate is about," he said. "Victory goes to whomever pleases the judges. We fought beautifully and deserved this win." While clearly devastated, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld refused to be drawn into the debate. "War is subjective. It's judged," he said. "As soldiers we have to be happy that we did our best, and put this behind us." British Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon, however, hinted the U.K. may consider retiring from war. "When you work so hard to make your dreams come true, only to have them snatched away like this, it's... it's disillusioning," said Hoon, as he buried his face in his hands. "I only hope our judges return the favor the next time France competes."
hazzig Posted March 4, 2002 Report Posted March 4, 2002 LMAO! So that┬┤s where the Talibans have been hiding, at the Olympics! No wonder nobody could find them in Afghanistan.
Charles Lindsey Posted March 5, 2002 Report Posted March 5, 2002 I thought he was going to talk about Fabio, Shirley, and Herbert.
Epsilon 5 Posted March 5, 2002 Report Posted March 5, 2002 LOL! I guess the germans would have won on Omaha beach because "The arcs described by the swinging of their mg42's was very smooth, but at the same time the irregularities caused by the 1200rpm bullet firng made it sooo special. And on the top of that, the way the gunners were falling due to the allied snipers was simply astonishing. And add the sounds effects created by the multitude of machine guna and mortar explosions, you almost get a perfect score "
Guest Posted March 9, 2002 Report Posted March 9, 2002 Found this one in a Japanese Online newspaper.. hilarious. The topic was the US Critizism of Teenage prostitution in Japan : "The Disinformation Service of the Shadow Government of the United States presents SEX ON SUNDAY, with your host "Cool Guy" Colin Powell. Colin Powell. Today we'll hear from President Bush and Attorney General Ashcroft on the role of teenage Japanese girl doing do-dah for dividends and world terrorism. But since they are still at John's Pentacostal church doing backflips for Jesus, I'm going to give you boys and girls another of my sex pep talks. Let me say it again! When you're hot in the socks no old bearded man in the sky is going to send down a bolt of lighting to make you turn to the straight and narrow. So wear you're rubbers. Hey, Colin Power knows that some of you haven't been following his advice and PRAYING the morning after. It's too late. Wear your rubbers the NIGHT BEFORE! Forget about God. I mean do think about God when you're peeling that old potato? I mean--hey--do you even think about God when crying out, "Oh, God! Oh God! Oh, Oh, God, I'm---" George W. Bush: Enough Colin! Go sit in a corner for the rest of this broadcast! Colin Powell: Yessir! George W. Bush: And get yourself some Kleenex. Ahem. Are we on the air? Oh, we are. Ahem. Mah fellow Americans, make know mistake about it. We are fighting terrorism on all fronts. Today John Ashcroft, Attorney General of the shadow government of the United States will speak to us about how middle class Japanese teenage street queens are helping bin Laden's terrorist war on God's Country, or, as we commonly call it, America! John Ashcroft: Japanese teenaged girls yanking it for yen represent one of the greatest threats to US security. They do this by giving a bad influence on American teenaged girls. While Japanese girls spend their bouncy-bouncy money on Gucci bags American girls spend that kind of money on DRUGS! And do you know who ultimately provides those drugs? The AXIS OF EVIL! The Axis of Evil (of stage): Heh, heh, heh! John Ashcroft: And do you know who is behind the Axis of Evil?! It's those nasty bearded swarthy guys with TURBINS on their heads. That's right--TURBINS! I HATE THOSE LOW DOWN GUYS WITH TURBINS!! Ahhhhhhh! Goolub, goolub. Zheti, iggi, giggi--!!!! A Pause in transmition: fzzzzzzzz George W. Bush: Unfortunately John Ashcroft began speaking in tongues before he could finish. So let me say this. Make no mistake, Japanese teenaged girls, the United States of America knows what you're up to. You cannot hide! Our war on terrorism will follow you into ever love hotel, parked car and karalkee box in Japan. Our B-52's are ready to blow you and your Hello Kitty pillows straight to you know where! So a word to the wise--get Mommy and Daddy to buy your Gucci bags for you. Make no mistake about it, throwing a tantrum and locking yourself in your room until you get your Gucci bag is more patriotic than rattling your can for coins. And don't think we're fooled into thinking you are friends of the US because you wear American flags on the seat of your tight little jeans! Colin Powell (off stage): I want to address that last topic, Mr. President! George W. Bush: Take a cold shower, Colin. Ahem. I was hoping to have mah daughters here to talk about teenage sexual morality. Unfortunately they are in detox after a rather heavy party. Well, that all; and-- Do you know who knows the evil in men's and women's and Japanese teenage girls' souls? The shadow government knows! Heh, heh,heh!
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