I agree with Badgerius
i turned up my sound hoping to find some cool music playing low along with it.
i dunno what it is but the beginning seems outta place. as i said kinda comical and in a recruitment we want then interested not chuckling
other wise it is great, im not the best with words so some one else can help you there.
I could scower the internet for some background music to go along with it, or we could use the BCM theme song, i loved that, and it'll fit in with the theme, we are Galcom
ooooo!!!!...just had a brain though(very rare )
It could talk about Prime fleet, and then to end off say We are Galcom's First and Last line of defence...
We are PRIME FLEET. what do ya say? btw, the ... is to kinda make that line disappear and then the line below appears
maybe keep ... in if it looks good but can do that poss just the same by having that line fade out and the next line appear