Religious and Spiritual Beliefs

[AWells]

Hmmm... I think my writer's block for next college comp essay is effectively gone, now

[Raven]

ROTFLMAO!!!

But Litvyak, thatÔÇÖs only using half of them, we could make wonderful ÔÇ£octogenarian leatherÔÇØ pants to go with the jackets. There would have to be gloves as well, and maybe even boots.

The problem is that it would have to be voluntary, and IÔÇÖm sure that there would be some nasty old ladies who would refuse to do there moral duty to the biker community, but I have a plan. A while ago I considered opening a line of nursing homes called old folk dungeons, but the price of importing giant rats and the subsequent veterinary expenses to keep them in good health was prohibitive. But if we attached a skinning facility to the back and had a good success rate of ÔÇ£convertingÔÇØ old people to the faith of recycling then it would be very profitable. And IÔÇÖm sure IÔÇÖm not the only one who has considered this possibility, it could be a big new industry in a matter of years, and even more convenient then putting a nursing home next to a grave yard.

Plus, we have to consider the use of ÔÇ£octogenarian leatherÔÇØ for military purposes. You could dye strips of it for the camouflage net they use to disguise building and such from airplanes. The wrinkly, natural look of aged human skin would blend in much better with the surroundings, and if anyone were to notice it they would think it was a camp of savages, not soldiers. Why, if there ever was a war they could make a big production out of it, with catchy slogans like ÔÇ£Bring your grandma to the frontÔÇØ and ÔÇ£older is better for camouflage leather.ÔÇØ You could make winter gear out of them as well, human skin breathes better then synthetics and so you wouldnÔÇÖt have to worry about sweating. It would be very fashionable among mountain climbers and the likes to have there grandparents sent of to the factory. Plus, after the skinning you could still use the meat and gristle and such for dog food.

[AWells]

Voluntary my @$$! I don't think there would be a problem with making a mandatory retirement and recycling age. I would think that the elderly would happy just knowing they were still useful at that age. I mean, honesty, lack of a sense of usefulness is quite common among the older generations.

Don't forget that the toughest parts, such as the soles of the feet, can be made into chew toys for teething puppies and children alike. Honestly, what better way to remember Grandma than to have her made into a stylish pair of boots, a durable wallet, a sturdy leather jacket for when you take your hog out cruising, and the left overs becoming sausages, dog food and chew toys. It's much more pleasent than burying somebody in the ground to rot, or having thier ashes kicking around not doing anything useful.

[Raven]

LMAO!!!

YouÔÇÖre right of course, there really shouldnÔÇÖt be any problem with mandatory recycling, but try to explain that to the old folk. To hear them tell it they exist to pass on there antiquated wisdom, pet there cat or dog, and play card games (in person of course, god forbid playing a card game over the internet). I mean, come on, any dignified old person would keep a pet ferret, but no, itÔÇÖs always cats or dogs (or even worse, goldfish, gag me with a spoon!). I was thinking about the political fallout though, think of all the propaganda someone could generate with scenes of screaming old ladies being dragged off to ÔÇ£Hag bags inc.ÔÇØ, the political fallout would be disastrous. Of course, we could imprison people who object to strongly. Not violating there freedom of speech of course, but rather preventing the obscene distribution of outmoded ideals, or perhaps corrupting the youth (thatÔÇÖs how they got Socrates you know; they said he was corrupting the youth).

This brings me on to my next point, prisoners. They sit around, grow fat, and rape each other. I mean, sure, there are some people out there who arenÔÇÖt happy unless they have some poor shuck under lock and key where they can beat on them at will, but besides providing leisurely jobs for psychopaths, what are they good for? Two things: no good and good for nothing, which is why they should be included in recycling. They have suppler skin then old people, and more meat then children, not to mention sturdy bones that can be made into all sorts of decorations and useful tools. Collectors could purchase the preserved brains of serial killers, and candle holders made out of there skulls would be appealing to people who were looking for a ÔÇ£dark ritualÔÇØ ambiance in there homes (a good supplement to baby skulls, and capable of handling larger candles). It would save money in prison costs, generate revenues for the government, as well as having some left over to give to the victims of a crime. Imagine how much better it would make a young woman feel if she had a nice rug made out of the man who raped her, or perhaps having his skull mounted on the wall over her bedroom door, and can you think of a better way to warn off men who might try to take advantage of her?

[ 10-02-2002, 06:39 AM: Message edited by: Dragon Lady ]

[AWells]

Actually, I had this great idea for criminals. Use them to promote the economy by sending them off to war... it doesn't matter where really... Iraq, Afganistan, Russia, Canada... what's the difference, right? Hell, we good probably negotiate with other countries and mutually agree to send wage war to cut down the prison population in our countries concerned.

War means money, after all. Defense contractors need conflict to justify building new weapon systems and spending money into research and development of new technologies. Many of these technologies will have applications in non-military fields and will improve the standard of living for the rest of us.

Best of all it will have the potential to bring reality TV to a whole new level. Instead of watching football on sundays Americans will turn to the war and watch there favorite criminals blowing each other away with automatic weapons. People will be able to bet on how many seconds any criminal will last under fire by buying tickets with there favorite picks name, much in the way people buy lottery tickets today. We can have annual war championships were all countries square off with thier best criminals on the field battle. It'll probably have better ratings than the superbowl and the olympics combined.

Of course, some people might think that watching real people get shot, beyoneted, gassed, fragged, maimed, tortured and killed on live television is inappropriate for children, but remember most children will be found in your local grocer's freezer case.

And as for rights activitist that might object to recycling people into more useful forms... well, we can always use more ground meat.

[ 10-02-2002, 06:59 AM: Message edited by: Litvyak ]

[Raven]

Yes, war is good, and a after a good battle they could have a chain gang out there recovering skins and bones and other reusable bits. If you think about how well action figures for various shows sell, think about garments made from dead soldiers, and women could wear large dangly earrings made of bits of flack, and they could feel good about helping the war effort by using recycled material at the same time (after all, if your going to have a bunch of flack weighing down on your ears itÔÇÖs nice to have something to feel good about). And itÔÇÖs not like we would have a food shortage due to the war or anything, the soldiers could eat there dead companions (or there not so dead companions if there was a shortage of casualties). In fact, if the meat was fresh enough it could be packed up and sold as Soldier Spam (it could come in a verity of flavors, including explosion barbequed, napalm fried, original, and extra messy).

The entertainment value would be supreme as well; you could have dozens of channels spilling out scenes of death and gore, a website detailing the progress of prisoner interrogation, not to mention the propaganda possibilities. War is always good for propaganda.

But darling, you have it all wrong grinding up the activists. I mean, one bunch of ground meat is a lot like another; instead they should be sold as steaks, and perhaps ÔÇ£drumsticksÔÇØ and such. It would be extremely patriotic to eat activists; you could support recycling in a big way while eating dinner. As for the bits that really arenÔÇÖt any good unless ground up and mixed with real meat, well, they could be sent to the zoo to be fed to endangered predators (I mean, activists are all for saving endangered species, and they have to eat something (or in this case, someone) so it fits perfectly).

[AWells]

ROTFL... you're too much!

Anyways, it's getting near time for me to pass out for the morning. Need to go and dream of the perfect utopian society. It's too bad there' so many "moral" christian people keeping the progress of humankind in the dark ages with such outdated concepts such as sin.

[Raven]

Thank you darling, and good night (not that youÔÇÖll read this tonight of course, but the thought is there).

[Wolferz]

Y'all some sick puppies.

We have medications for this ailment.

These are orange, the other colors come later.

[Wolferz]

Oh, by the way....

Why would we want to use criminals to fight a war for us?

There would be too great a chance for them to escape, armed.

I have a better idea for reducing the prison populations of the world and still use them for something constructive/destructive on the battlefield.

Since magnetic rail launching technology is coming into its prime these days, let's use the criminals as ammo. Simply cover them with TNT suits equipped with failsafe detonators, slap them on a rail launcher and lob away toward the enemy lines.

The results would be two fold.

1. Destroying the enemy and his equipment.

2. Demoralizing the enemy from hearing a steady stream of guttural screams and expletives headed their way.

The cost savings would be immense. Shattered bones and flying organs would be just as effective as costly steel casings that turn into shrapnel....and what is left is bio-degradeable.

[Guest]

ROFLMAO!!

You all are some sick puppies, hilarious, but VERY sick!!

[Guest Remo Williams]

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It's too bad there' so many "moral" christian people keeping the progress of humankind in the dark ages with such outdated concepts such as sin.

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Bah! You must be dreaming.

[Guest MIKE113]

It's easy to talk like this now but what about when it's your turn to be recycled?

[AWells]

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It's easy to talk like this now but what about when it's your turn to be recycled?

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Well, really, we all have to go some time. Wouldn't you want to know that your life served some kind of purpose when you go? Would you want to simply be stuck in a hole in the ground and forgotton about, or would you rather contribute usefully to society?

I don't mind if somebody makes me into a coat or a wallet when I'm dead, or if I end up on somebody's grill during thier 4th of July barbaque. I mean I'll be dead anyways, so it's not like I'll care if I become somebody's thanks giving dinner.

[ 10-02-2002, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Litvyak ]

[Wolferz]

A retiring Pediatrician was in the process of packing up all of the things in his office that he had collected over the years. When he came to the one odd item in his collection and he wondered what to do with it. It was a rather large jar of formaldehyde, filled with the remnants of all the circumcisions he had performed on every male child he delivered.

So he took the jar to his favorite taxidermist and requested that he make something from all the wee bits of male hide.

He returned to the shop two weeks later and the taxidermist reached under the counter and handed the Doctor A small wallet.

The Doctor then protested, "Was this all you could manage from that huge jar??"

The Taxidermist just grinned and said, "Just rub it a couple of times and it turns into a steamer trunk."

[Raven]

Oh dear, that is hilarious

As for what I would do come recycling time, why IÔÇÖd be lounging around in the Caribbean sipping imported blood wine and eating leg of baby while extolling the virtues of a society in which the young slavishly worshiped the old and discussing the best way to preserve my body after I die.

[AWells]

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As for what I would do come recycling time, why IÔÇÖd be lounging around in the Caribbean sipping imported blood wine and eating leg of baby while extolling the virtues of a society in which the young slavishly worshiped the old and discussing the best way to preserve my body after I die.

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Yes, figuring out what product line you want to be a part of... nobody said recycling won't come with tough choices we have to make.

[Charles Lindsey]

Ya'll just flat out need some help. That's all there is to it.

Dragon Lady: Read your reply on astrology. That's pretty much it. Pick what you like and discard the rest. But it's still interesting to me how little you need to discard.

Wiccans? Voodoo?

[AWells]

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Ya'll just flat out need some help. That's all there is to it.

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Oh? And how are you looking to help? We can always skilled skinners, butchers, and tanners...

[AWells]

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Wiccans?

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I have to admit, I like them better then Christians. Still don't believe in thier religion, but there's something to be said for people who worship nekkid in the woods. Much more appealing than some stuffy old church.

[Charles Lindsey]

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Oh? And how are you looking to help? We can always skilled skinners, butchers, and tanners...

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You'll just have to job-shark them from the cattle industry. I said ya'll needed help. I didn't say I knew how to give it to you.

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but there's something to be said for people who worship nekkid in the woods. Much more appealing than some stuffy old church.

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It would seem so but at least stuffy old churches keep the rain off your haed and provede a modicum of comfort.

Then again I like being naked. wonder if I could be naked in a stuffy old church?

[AWells]

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Then again I like being naked. wonder if I could be naked in a stuffy old church?

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I don't know, I'd be afraid to be naked in a church, especially a catholic one. Then again, I'm over age 12, so maybe my fears are unfounded...

[AWells]

Another use for the very versitile baby skin... condoms. Nothing like using babies to prevent babies. It's more natural than latex, and probably offers a better feel than sheep skin. It's also good for that couple that screws up once, and has a baby... they can have that child recycled into safe effective birth control to prevent further incidents.

[ 10-02-2002, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: Litvyak ]

[AWells]

I can't help but think of my friend who wanted to be a nun but who got kicked out of the convent for practicing wicca and running around naked on the roof. She wrote the whole experiance down, and it's one of the funniest memoirs I've read. I have to see if I can get a copy from her sometime.

[CommanderJohnson]

AHH!! This is going to be long. Maybe God will be nice and Armageddon will happen by the time I finish this so I don't need to type for hours.

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Originally posted by Litvyak:

[QB]

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My arguments were centered on the effect of that on women and society, so it'd still be bad on that level

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Are you saying that it would be bad if a woman had been with 3 people in an 8 year time period, but it's alright for me, since I'm a guy?

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I'm saying that it's reentrtenching an oppress patriarchal system when it occurs. I'd expect women to be more worried about that than men.

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1. People can be trained, well in fact.

2. Look at some statistics about marriages where there was no pre-marital sex at all and see how the statistics change. Also add in factors concerning religion and faith, and you'll be surprised at how low the divorce rate drops.

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1. Have you ever tried to stick one of those electro-shock training collars on somebody? It's no small feat, let me tell you.