Supreme Cmdr Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 quote: In light of recent developments as deailed in this link: http://onion.com/onion3641/nation_plunges_into_chaos.html This has been issued:NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCETo the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary" . Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good g ame. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Thank you for your cooperation. [This message has been edited by Supreme Cmdr (edited 11-15-2000).]
Korivak Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 LOL, SC. You sound like a Canadian...there's hope for you yet... Korivak
Eclipse Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 LOL... pretty funny ------------------ Commodore Kyle Antilles ICV-Eclipse, Destiny Starstation (Nevuela) Commanding Officer, Destiny Spectre Fleet"You can only love or hate something you truly understand"
Wolferz Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 They forgot one very important point in that little tongue in cheek ultimatum, SC .....There are 50 more governments along with umpteen zillion itty bitty governments within the land of the free.Anyone for a tea party? LOLIt was funny though.------------------ Cmdr H. T. Wolferz GCV-Kentucky, GALCOMHQ (EARTH) Prime Fleet - Beta Wing
Martin Pelletier Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 Point 7.Hehehe, no need to crush us with nukes in Quebec, all you have to do is give us beer, a REAL hockey club and we will surrender ------------------ Commander M. Pelletier GVC Dark Angel Prime Fleet, Galcom HQ(EARTH)
Blades Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 .. finally someone at the palace took me seriously. This is a real weight off my mind ..
Guest tictoc Posted November 16, 2000 Report Posted November 16, 2000 On the rugby, you need to be pretty ugly as well (broken noses, mashed up ears etc..)as it helps to intimidate the other guys as your rushing towards them like a rabid dog. tic
Akuma Minako Posted November 18, 2000 Report Posted November 18, 2000 Akuma Minako raises her hand with an upraised brow. "'Scuse me....Canadian here." She smiles then casts a flirtacious glare at Korivak. "What's so wrong about us hmmmmm?" She leans in closer.... ------------------ Commander Akuma Minako GCV - Tenchi, Orion Starstation (CENTRIS) Deterrence Battle Group www.orion-hq.fsnet.co.uk
Guest Posted November 18, 2000 Report Posted November 18, 2000 ROTFLMAO!!Damn, that was the funniest thing i've read for a while! ------------------ Commander Robert Martin GCV-Dark Knight, GALCOM HQ (EARTH) S26 Wing Leader, Prime Fleet Beta Wing
Maxamillian Posted November 19, 2000 Report Posted November 19, 2000 Send a representative. The Native Amaricans would like to show you how to grow food and prepare it for a Giving of Thanks dinner. But of course, since we have learned from past dealing with the pale people from across the sea we will not be so generous with our tobac leaf. We never recieved any of the royalties from that Earl of Kent. I guess being beheaded was probably why he didn't get back with us. I understand the French from Quebec are negotiating for some of the territories in the NE. They are talking about a head count or something. Money for a head count, there was a story my Grandfather used to tell about hair or scalp or something like that. LOL SC, Maybe we should kick out all those emigrants and leave the guardianship of the land to the Real People.'MAX' ------------------ Cmdr. Maxamillian (MAX) GCV-Dreadnaught, GALCOMHQ (Earth) G2 Intelligence/Security; G3 Tactics (Acting)-Prime Fleet
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now